Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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