I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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