people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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