I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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