Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
