I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
