Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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