If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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