Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
