Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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