Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
