I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
