I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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