i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
