Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
