I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
