I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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