he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
