My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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