Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
