Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
