I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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