I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
