You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
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I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
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I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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