Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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