Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
