Please, let me fuck your mom
I think I won the penis lottery.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
