if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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