do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
