Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
