she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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