new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
