That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
