I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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