just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
