random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
