OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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