I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think i got beer on your cat.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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