I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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