You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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