he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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