I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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