got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
