He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
