Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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