We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
