and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'd cum for enchiladas.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
