I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
