Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
