no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
