My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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