I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
