around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
