I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
