who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
