Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
