can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
