He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
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that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house