4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
50% drunk capacity currently
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
