That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
