look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
