no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
