and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
