I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
