I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she told me i tasted like america
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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