I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
