Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Drake has all the answers
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
