So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
