I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
