Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
