she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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