I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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