I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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