party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
