I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize