We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
