oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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