For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
