well I can't set my house on fire every night
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Randomize
