yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we're making bets on your personal life
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
