there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.