Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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