Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.