i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.