it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
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theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
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I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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