Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.

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  (757): he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark. http://tfl.nu/hjt5
  Replies (15) Good night (3438) Bad night (1573)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?

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  (806): pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour? http://tfl.nu/u15d
  Replies (22) Good night (3120) Bad night (1114)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off

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  (215): the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off http://tfl.nu/gmrh
  Replies (17) Good night (5695) Bad night (1457)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  What did I eat last night that was bloody?

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  (515): What did I eat last night that was bloody? http://tfl.nu/w6f4
  Replies (19) Good night (796) Bad night (6780)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled

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  (281): His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled http://tfl.nu/gplx
  Replies (20) Good night (1107) Bad night (4426)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.

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  (540): Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house. http://tfl.nu/gobb
  Replies (7) Good night (1567) Bad night (1006)
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  (408): View more from California

  I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.

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  (408): I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs. http://tfl.nu/f5jy
  Replies (16) Good night (2761) Bad night (820)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Marry him. Now.

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  (570): He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight. (1-570): Marry him. Now. http://tfl.nu/5wky
  Replies (13) Good night (4109) Bad night (832)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.

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  (318): Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius. http://tfl.nu/se02
  Replies (7) Good night (1431) Bad night (571)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game

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  (781): Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game http://tfl.nu/qq6a
  Replies (3) Good night (516) Bad night (982)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.

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  (937): They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed. http://tfl.nu/xvv6
  Replies (16) Good night (1144) Bad night (482)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?

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  (416): How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard? http://tfl.nu/770q
  Replies (16) Good night (954) Bad night (837)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.

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  (903): I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you. http://tfl.nu/6dmy
  Replies (1) Good night (831) Bad night (359)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.

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  (732): I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already. http://tfl.nu/laji
  Replies (2) Good night (574) Bad night (294)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.

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  (+44): I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'. http://tfl.nu/incy
  Replies (2) Good night (565) Bad night (349)

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