I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
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my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
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You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then