dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
